13 September, 2004 - "Vikingmaiden"

This weekend I rested and on saturday night I chatted with Vikingmaiden. I downloaded aol messenger so we could chat and we connect so well. I really had a great time!

Late sunday afternoon I did not feel well. By nightime I was in bed and not feeling well. My parents were bothered by my irregular pulse and thought maybe I should go to the emergency room, but I declined. I just need to be patient and I will get through this. The good news is that I felt this coming on which I haven't been able to due before.

When I have these attacks/panic attacks/whatever they are I dont feel well at all. During them I feel like doing anything whatsover to make it stop. Even suicide...

I read something that Lucy Grealy (whom I think think so highly of) said that I completely agree with:

"When I was in college, I was really depressed. I said to a friend, "I wish I could die." But rather than the usual you-shouldn't-talk-that-way lecture, there was silence. Then my friend said, "You will." It was a revelation. You see, we don't have to kill ourselves. It's already programmed in; it's going to happen. We have forever to be dead. We might as well stick around and see what happens [while we can]."

I feel better today but not 100%, and I need to email my doctor. It's 4pm and I better go see what the new Hurricane Ivan storm advisory states.

PUBLIUS

"The days go on and on... they don't end. All my life needed was a sense of some place to go. I don't believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention, I believe that one should become a person like other people."--from the film TAXI DRIVER

"But what is 'normal', anyway?"--Vikingmaiden

"People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be."--President Abraham Lincoln

�A tulip doesn�t strive to impress anyone. It doesn�t struggle to be different than a rose. It doesn�t have to. It is different. And there�s room in the garden for every flower. You didn�t have to struggle to make your face different than anyone else�s on earth. It just is. You are unique because you were created that way. Look at little children in kindergarten. They�re all different without trying to be. As long as they�re unselfconsciously being themselves, they can�t help but shine. It�s only later, when children are taught to compete, to strive to be better than others, that their natural light becomes distorted.�--Marianne Williamson, 21st century spiritual teacher

�A bit of advice given to a young Native American at the time of his initiation: "As you go the way of life, you will see a great chasm. Jump. It�s not as wide as you think."� --Prof. Joseph Campbell, 20th Century Philosopher & Mythology Expert