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"Men give me credit for some genius. All the genius I have lies in this; when I have a subject in hand, I study it profoundly. Day and night it is before me. My mind becomes pervaded with it. Then the effort that I have made is what people are pleased to call the fruit of genius. It is the fruit of labor and thought."
-- Alexander Hamilton
Welcome to the journal of a possible spiritual anarchist inconoclastic autodidact

In Love and Remembrance - 04 October, 2008
- - 21 April, 2008
Updating... - 23 March, 2008
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01/02 February, 2006 - Chocolate city!!!


"In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
- Douglas Adams


I continue to transform myself although at a far more faster pace than however I am currently proceeding as this just will not suffice. While I am not getting impatient I am not feeling comfortable or well with how the current state of my life is right now in all regards. Nearly a year ago I fasted and it proved to be quite progressive for me both physically and psychologically although I ended it on behalf of my body and G requesting that I do so. I am currently preparing to do so again though will only do so after I finish a few things here at my home in regard to renovation and repairs that are needed.
On another subject closely related� I wrote G and I am still in the state of that letter, at least where I left of at the end of it. That is an explanation of my writing funk as my focus has been with that dialogue there. It is quite personal and something that I need to do. So much unresolved as I already have stated so often and when one deals with such it can be like an avalanche. Still I have held on patiently although I have been on edge.

There is something else going on of which I can�t write about online but which has taken a great deal of my attention to focus upon. Having dealt with on and off for the past two years (nearly that long actually), things are now heating up. This is still at times a bit of a hot spot so it will be something I need to watch on how I do deal with it.

So add that on to renovation, helping out my family, neighbors, and so-called friends and it hasn�t left me with anything for myself. Once again I have engulfed myself to the point I have starved my own soul. That is of course giving far too much of myself without reciprocation (digress though for a moment reciprocation is my favorite word the past year), which isn�t healthy. I find when giving myself freely to others it only leads to exploitation. I do not find goodness, kindness, compassion, as well as love coming back after such but only greed, hatred, ego, and selfishness. Not what I expected when I sincerely give unconditional love but that is how the ball bounces. Now I feel it is best to abandon such giving of myself and self-educate myself by being the best autodidact I can possibly be. That and do something about whatever the fuck happened to my dialogue with G. While I do take responsibility for my actions with G in our relationship, I do have a need of resolution and that does require a dialogue to do such (no pressure G). Maybe I will go over there and do such but need to work things out financially first over here in the asshole of the world.

I need to go into more detail and be far more open with myself and her in my writing. Well I need to do that here but I do have my own legal hang-ups about doing such here and do feel uneasy at times even here on diaryland. If anyone here knows whom I am please do not refer to me by my actual name or the first letter of my name if at all possible. I just don�t want anyone tracking me and have a need for privacy.

What else is there to say? (All this will be obviously taken the wrong way as I am constantly referred to as a cynic). Yeah, what else? I am certainly not hopeful nor am I hopeless as I do not believe in hope or time. For the record time does not heal wounds as time is state in the mind which we humans have created that just is complete bullshit. It�s a measure that has no bearing in reality. On the cynic remark above I have regarded myself more as an idealist than such. Now I am moving away from the idealist dreamer to one who shows action and the less I do the more action I take. Figure that one out as it true to me.

I would like to go to Ojai and visit there at some point as well as Brockwood in England. So when I do finally see G that would be included as part of the trip. Somehow, somewhere soon I must rest and relax though as working everyday just doesn�t do it for me. I write this tired disgusted and actually nauseated from everything. Well anything after a disaster such as Katrina isn�t great though it did clean out some of the bad element here. Too bad almost everything here is bad as only genocide of the entire human race would accomplish fixing the evil and darkness that lies in the heart of humanity here.


So without further ado let�s tackle the problem of the mayor of new orleans Ray Nagin the glorious reigning jackass of New Orleans. Here is an except:

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And then I asked him, I said, "What is it going to take for us to move and live your dream and make it a reality?'' He said, "I don't think we need to pay attention anymore as much about the other folk and racists on the other side.'' He said the thing we need to focus on as a community, black folks I'm talking to, is ourselves.
What are we doing? Why is black-on-black crime such an issue? Why do our young men hate each other so much that they look their brother in the face and they will take a gun and kill him in cold blood? He said we And then I asked him, I said, "What is it going to take for us to move and live your dream and make it a reality?'' He said, "I don't think we need to pay attention anymore as much about the other folk and racists on the other side.'' He said the thing we need to focus on as a community, black folks I'm talking to, is ourselves.
What are we doing? Why is black-on-black crime such an issue? Why do our young men hate each other so much that they look their brother in the face and they will take a gun and kill him in cold blood? He said we as a people need to fix ourselves first. He said the lack of love is killing us. And it's time, ladies and gentlemen.
Dr. King, if he was here today, he would be talking to us about this problem, about the problem we have among ourselves. And as we think about rebuilding New Orleans, surely God is mad at America, he's sending hurricane after hurricane after hurricane and it's destroying and putting stress on this country. Surely he's not approving of us being in Iraq under false pretense. But surely he's upset at black America, also. We're not taking care of ourselves. We're not taking care of our women. And we're not taking care of our children when you have a community where 70 percent of its children are being born to one parent.
We ask black people: it's time. It's time for us to come together. It's time for us to rebuild a New Orleans, the one that should be a chocolate New Orleans. And I don't care what people are saying Uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day.
This city will be a majority African-American city. It's the way God wants it to be. You can't have New Orleans no other way; it wouldn't be New Orleans. So before I get into too much more trouble, I'm just going to tell you in my closing conversation with Dr. King, he said, "I never worried about the good people -- or the bad people I should say -- who were doing all the violence during civil rights time.'' He said, "I worried about the good folks that didn't say anything or didn't do anything when they knew what they had to do.''
**********************************************************

I do understand him having a conversation with Dr. King but to relate oneself with him at the very least show a commonality other than race with the man. I agree that there must be a focus on within, but not just a particular color/race. Then he comments that God sent hurricanes to the gulf coast as he was not pleased with the political aims of the USA as well as the amount of violence in America? If this god he speaks of did do this I will be the first to shoot GOD in the head as Katrina was a motherfucker. But the God he speaks of and does so in such a political manner is one which is a supernatural puppeteer not as JC states �God is a metaphor for that which transcends all levels of intellectual thought. It's as simple as that.� Well I believe we can agree that God has many meanings and that Nagin should have left this GOD of his out of it. The he states that this GOD wants only a certain race of which he deems a chocolate colored one to inhabit New Orleans. All of which leads him back to Martin Luther King, Jr. of whom he makes a reference to a quote of his, �He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.�
My reply to such a quote is obvious that Ray Nagin must be removed from office.

I have listened to those of all cultures, racial backgrounds and psychological make-ups pretty much and amazingly agree to a reference that has popped up that Nagin �Put his nigger foot in his nigger mouth�. Something odd to hear but listening to conversations by those Nagin sees chocolate and vanilla among other colors of his Gods ice cream factory was interesting, especially with the agreement of such a quote.

I must add that such talk of niggers, chocolate, and knowing the will of your GOD is not much compared to the vulgarity and ignornace that I observe of people in common life. Attempt to communicate with your so-called online friends and there lies a classic example of what I write about now. There is a lack of genuine sincerity and respect for one another in these individuals as they do not care, nor have any real compassion for anyone. They go online in the first place to fill their foggy minds eye which is so full of ignorance that they drift from one load of shit to another. This mindless lack of focus drives them and it leads to an addictive personality. They are slaves who thrive on misery and can not have any real understanding of love. As I stated before just attempt to communicate with such an individual and you will experience this vulgarity. Look within and see the flake within to understand. The same goes for everyone, please take a look within and see how fake you really actually are! Be careful as doing such may give you a jolt of truth which you are not accustomed too.

If anyone here has a question, a misunderstanding regarding anything whatsoever of what I stated please email, leave me a comment and I will reply with sincerity and loving-kindness. If though one does not and just wants to bark then go kill yourself. As I write this a storm is raging and I will cut the computer off as the winds are howling so loudly I swear either Katrina is back or there is a tornado outside raging past my home.

UPDATE: Well it wasn�t that bitch Katrina but actually a tornado of which bypassed me although I will have to go and check the blue roof tarp. I again had water leaking and had to mop the floors and of course the electricity cut off as I was doing this in the middle of the night. It is always eventful here and wonder if Nagins GOD sent these tornados to hurt people and which colors???


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