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"Men give me credit for some genius. All the genius I have lies in this; when I have a subject in hand, I study it profoundly. Day and night it is before me. My mind becomes pervaded with it. Then the effort that I have made is what people are pleased to call the fruit of genius. It is the fruit of labor and thought."
-- Alexander Hamilton
Welcome to the journal of a possible spiritual anarchist inconoclastic autodidact

In Love and Remembrance - 04 October, 2008
- - 21 April, 2008
Updating... - 23 March, 2008
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- - 20 February, 2007



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16 January, 2006 - "Tired"

"If you think, �I breathe,� the �I� is extra. There is no you to say �I.� What we call �I� is just a swinging door which moves when we inhale and when we exhale. It just moves; that is all. When your mind is pure and calm enough to follow this movement, there is nothing: no �I,� no world, no mind nor body; just a swinging door."
-Shunryu Suzuki

"I...I, I, I, I!!!
I can go anywhere, people look and people stare,
They all know that I'm the one, not to let your son become"
--The Dictators, Two Tub Man Lyrics


Tired is my feeling these days, not just from the work in the aftermath of Katrina, but actually of myself. It comes psychologically and physically as well as something a bit deeper.

I actually do enjoy loneliness and therefore have no need to hum a few bars. Having freed myself from attachments I experienced freedom in world full of spiritual slavery. As I previously stated in this journal by yours truly, �I rule the country of my mind and the kingdom of my life�, though for good measure add on now that I do so with accepting no authority, not even my own self.

Still while all the above is true it can be tiring, especially in a world surrounded by seemingly complete ignorance, political maneuverings and greed. There is also something else down here in New Orleans that can confound even the most mindful of beings and that is the culture of laziness that is imbedded here so deeply. I can work with a greedy individual because at the very least I know what makes them tick. But a lazy greedy individual within the 'big easy' culture can be observed as a textbook approach of how not to make friends and influence others in a healthy fashion and are not ones to associate with. Is it any surprise of why things are so difficult here?

Maybe at some point I will come across human beings with intelligence, wit, humor, and compassion that "cultivate sincere loving-kindness". That is of course in my presence where I can feel them, read them and fully grasp their humanity with my own mind, body, soul, ears and eyes. I do not despair; have any particular desire for anything. Although I do have some needs but do not at the same time need to possess any wealth or power in the world. It all comes down to taking action by living simply and being mindful with this existence. There is no need to despair but I guess I do suffer on occasion as I am tired.

The all knowing eye is reaped with deception and ignorance as it can not observe truth. Well that is all for now it seems as I am 'tired' for it can be 'tiring' being a spiritual anarchist. Now "I" must do something about "I". Don't be afraid to comment as I promise not to bite... Finally on another subject (note the "I'm" in I'm tired) the late Madeline Kahn sang this song in the nutting futs film BLAZING SADDLES as it seems appropriate for this entry to be listed:

I'm Tired!

Here I stand, the goddess of Desire,
set men on fire,
I have this power,
morning noon and night it's drink and dancing,
some quick romancing,
and then a quick shower,
stage door johnnies always surround me,
they always hound me,
with one request,
who can satisfy their lustful habits,
I'm not a rabbit!
I need some rest!

I'm tired,
sick and tired of love,
I've had my fill of love,
from below and above,
tired,
tired of being admired,
tired of love uninspired,
let's face it,
I'm tired!

I've been with 1000's of men,
again and again,
they promise the moon,
they always coming and going,
going and coming,
and always too soon!
Right girls?

I'm tired,
tired of playing the game,
ain't it a crying shame?
I'm so tired,
God dammit I'm tired!!!

Hello cowboy, what's your name?
Tex 'mam
Tex 'mam ? Tell me Tex'mam, are you in show business?
No
We'll then why don't you get your freaking feet off here
La ha
Ah ha he hu...
Hello handsome, is that a 10 gallon hat? Or are you just enjoying the show?
Ah ha ah...
Oh miss lilly, oh my laby, oh my pussy cat, put it there baby, put it... ohhhhh

I'm tired,
tired of playing the game,
ain't it a crying shame,
I'm so tired

[zee soldiers:]
she's tired
-she's tired
sick and tired of love
-give her a break
she's had her fill of love
-she's not a snake
from bellow and above
-can't you see she's sick?
tired
-she's bushed
tired of being admired
-let her alone
tired of love uninspired
-get off the phone
she's tired
-don't you know she's pooped?

I've been with 1000's of men,
again and again,
they sing the same toon,
the start with Byron and Shelly,
and jump on your belly,
and bust your balloon!
aye!
tired,
tired of playing the game,
ain't it a freakin� shame,
I'm so...
let's face it,
everything below the waste is kaput!


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