04 September, 2004 - "Ikiru"

I went to see my Doc and got a shot in my butt for my sunburns. He was alarmed about my horrific blood pressure readings and gave me some additional medication to start taking. I felt awful and wanted to go back to see him afterwords or possibly to the hospital. I was so disgusted with feeling so badly I truly thought about ending me for good. I fell asleep and woke up feeling better. The burns still bother me but the new medication for my blood pressure seem to be working already, or maybe its just the shot. Whatever it is I feel better, if only so far.

Late that night I watched the "Passion of the Christ". But sadly enough I fell asleep and didn't get to finish watching it.

Today, I met up with Larry and Laural once again. We went by my apartment and the shopped at Whole Foods. After that we ate Chinese and went back to Biloxi. There we watched Pulp Fiction and talked awhile.

In my thoughts as always are that Of Gina (all the time), Eric, my family, Gina's family, my lifetime, the meaning of relationships. I thought about what it means to be there for someone and the meaning of life itself. Not just the meaning but actually living it. How does one do that, how does one contemplate these things. I spoke some to Laural about that. I thought more about what I care about and why I love life and found much meaning in it. Not just that but a reason to be here. All I can ever really say is I am trying really hard. Trying hard to do the best I can and that means something to me. I'm truly thankful for what I have and have no regrets in my life. I can only exist in the present and do what I able too. While there is much darkness and suffering in life, it's up to me to find the light. I will not have a lack of will in regards to that. There is a way to happiness no matter what. There is, no matter what the obstacle we face, we need only look within and realize it.

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."--Ezekiel 25:17

"How tragic that man can never realize how beautiful life is until he is face to face with death."--from Akira Kurosawa's IKIRU

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