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"Men give me credit for some genius. All the genius I have lies in this; when I have a subject in hand, I study it profoundly. Day and night it is before me. My mind becomes pervaded with it. Then the effort that I have made is what people are pleased to call the fruit of genius. It is the fruit of labor and thought."
-- Alexander Hamilton
Welcome to the journal of a possible spiritual anarchist inconoclastic autodidact

In Love and Remembrance - 04 October, 2008
- - 21 April, 2008
Updating... - 23 March, 2008
"Are you SPARKLING?" - 12 March, 2007
- - 20 February, 2007



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06 October, 2004 - "Ain't it funny"


I over ate for lunch and feel like throwing up. I am tired , depressed and full of anxiety. I feel as though everything in the past several years comes crashing down upon me every time I try and get a clear thought in my brain.

I feel as though I'm late getting anything done, but nothing never ever seems to get accomplished, the days just drag on and on. As everything I work toward turns to shit regardless, I foolishly keep going. I just plug away like an utter fool going down in flames in a doomed existence. I'd rather still go this way thena be like GINA.

Today I am working on my resume once again. Making a list of places to apply, and hopefully this will turn out well.

I need to go rest...

Okay I rested , I still feel like heavy dog spit. I better get going, exercise and get to wok on the pitiful life I have. Blah, blah, blah...

An now a message from my corporate sponsor:


"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers..... Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind numbing, spirit crushing game shows, stuffing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life..... But why would I want to do a thing like that?"--from Trainspotting

A man said to the universe: "Sir I exist!" "However," replied the universe, "The fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."--Stephen Crane

"Cocaine magnifies your personality. Yeah, but what if your an asshole?"--Bill Cosby

"What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself."--Abraham H. Maslow

"In the fight bewteen you and the world, back the world."--Franz Kafka

"However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names."--Henry David Thoreau

"Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them."--Lou Holtz ("fuck you Lou, although I do agree"-Publius)

"Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa."--Dorothy Parker, when asked why she had not delivered her copy on time.

"May you live in interesting times!"--ancient Chinese curse

"Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself."--Erich Fromm

"If your mind isn't open, keep your mouth shut too."--Sue Grafton

"A man is really amazing creature - he grieves when he loses wealth and still he is absolutely indifferent when his life is passing without any aim."--Abul-Faradj

"Men have periods too, they just don't bleed."--Tori Amos

"In depression this faith in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent. The pain is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the foreknowledge that no remedy will come - not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute. If there is mild relief, one knows that it is only temporary; more pain will follow. It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul. So the decision-making of daily life involves not, as in normal affairs, shifting from one annoying situation to another less annoying - or from discomfort to relative comfort, or from boredom to activity - but moving from pain to pain. One does not abandon, even briefly, one's bed of nails, but is attached to it wherever one goes."--William Styron

"I have wrestled with death. It is the most unexciting contest you can imagine. It takes place in an impalpable greyness, with nothing underfoot, with nothing around, without spectators, without clamour, without glory, without the great desire of victory, without the great fear of defeat, in a sickly atmosphere of tepid scepticism, without much belief in your own right, and still less in that of your adversary. If such is the form of ultimate wisdom, then life is a greater riddle than some of us think it to be."--Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

"It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew."--Henry Rollins

"(Are You) Happy?!"--Reagan Youth

Nervous twitching, actions abetting
Is something disturbing you?
Nervous laughter, what you after?
Ha Ha the joke's on YOU

Are you really happy?!
Are you happy?!

Pompous bragging and neurotic magazines
Expose your insecurities
Aggravated, irritated
You're the picture of misery

Are you really happy?!
Huh?
Aren't you happy?!

Ha Ha Ha Ha
You're so cool
Ha Ha Ha Ha
Sorry the jokes on YOU

Ha Ha Honey ain't it funny
Half these people live their lives as fools

Ha Ha Honey ain't it funny
I'm glad I'm not as dumb as you

Are you really happy?
Huh?
You're not happy?


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